Fighting More After Getting Engaged

Fighting more after getting engaged can be worrisome, but understanding why it's happening can help put you at ease and help you find a better way to deal with situations that may be causing tension.

Making the decision to get married is an exciting, joyful time in your life. But it can also have moments of stress. If you and your future spouse seem to be arguing more, don't panic! There are perfectly reasonable, perfectly normal reasons why you may be fighting more than usual.


Getting engaged will come with a whole new set of conversations and plans, in addition to planning the wedding day which can be quite stressful all on its own. No matter how long you have been dating or how many conversations you have had about what life might look like if you ever got married, getting engaged means making more firm decisions and putting them into practice. Making decisions such as how you will handle finances, where you will live, and how you will handle family dynamics can be stressful. And changing your life can be difficult, no matter how wonderful the reason!


What You Can Do: Be intentional about talking through these issues calmly. Remember that you are a team. You are on the same side. Don't get frustrated and just push the issues aside, but take a step back from the conversation for a bit if needed. If an issue is getting too heated, take time to reflect and maybe even write down some thoughts or notes to help talk through the issue more clearly when you are ready.


Your family and friends could also be adding to the stress and arguing. It could be as innocent as having a loved one that is too over-zealous about planning, or it could be as difficult as a friend or family member that doesn't support your engagement. 


What You Can Do: Handle the situation together. Decide together that you will support each other when it comes to issues with friends and family. Knowing that your partner supports you can go a long way to reduce stress that leads to fighting. No matter how important your family and friends are to you, your partner is the person that you are choosing to spend the rest of your life with.


As we said, planning can be very stressful. There are a lot of decisions to be made, and you and your partner may have different visions for the wedding day. There can also be financial stress if the two of you are responsible for paying for any part of the wedding. And again, you may have family or friends that want to be too involved with planning or who are being too demanding about your plans.


What You Can Do: Make sure you are taking time to relax with one another, away from planning details. Make time for date nights, or even weekend getaways if possible. Really try to stick to the wedding budget, be flexible, and prioritize your relationship over pushing for certain details. And make it clear to family and friends that you are a united front. Let them know that you are happy to include them in planning, but ultimately your wedding is about you and your partner. 


Most importantly, keep communication open between you and your partner. If you are feeling stressed out, it can be tempting to shut down or avoid talking about certain things. But being open and communicating will avoid you and your partner making assumptions that can cause even more stress and fighting, and allow you to be there for each other.

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